Handling Destiny: Apology for Returning

There still remains then—
Your head searches for the blessed bridge
that your feet won’t yet take you

“I respect you & you respect me” said the dialogue
My approach was to unite
(I’ll say that in my apology)

Reached the cold river wide
like groove around dead man’s neck
like trench you leap while
delivering urgent message
(I apologize for my proximity to death)

My place being two blocks from Boulder Creek
Marine Street being so far from ocean
So I began my long walks around Arapahoe
“How to make poetry a divination?”
the way an exile must invent his home

Two blocks away I could hear
the slow trickle of seasons—
Not like Miami
where green, blue, orange
are scattered by heat
the all embracing heat year long
Snow has a way of muffling motion
The echo of heartbeat hides
Not like Miami
where pulse turns words into projectiles
with accents

Then someone said I would not eat
I thought maybe the novelty of outsider
my skin too distracting
But in the mouth of a poisoned arrow
there’s always the hunter’s breath
though I didn’t know quite how to shoot
though I had a quiver of bilingual leather

I brought palm oil & the memory of fried plátanos

my mother moros
It was then my feet began to stir
from the deep rhythm of home
I could hear words from childhood
in a chorus of memory
soundtrack not yet harmonic
I cannot apologize for taking what is mine
the way a mockingbird steals
language

Because rhythm has no ego
(who owns music of breath?)
I listened to the crack of drums in my sleep
my head to carry my load
to a white stone where there were
chiseled sixteen markings
a footprint that fit my foot
In the dream I would wash this stone with herbs
like Sabe Lección, Siempre Viva, Maravilla
Now I’d have to memorize these marks
make words that articulate them—

Anyone can jump a dry river at night
but who would be owl’s messenger
It was then I vowed to be attendant
at the bridge
at best to make music
out of colors crossing the other side

CODA:

In Yórùbá, émèrè is a child that dies
is reborn & again...
I apologize for my necessary deaths
There still remains then—

But I am home